Finally, after months of remaining secret, I have been Ratted Out. Discovered. Found. Well, not really, seeing as it was my commenting on a post that brought about my being found, but having someone (admittedly only you, Wayne) reading this and knowing me...it's a scary feeling, being public for the first time ever. Before, it was a kind of "My Eyes Only" kinda thing, now other people will get wind of me.
And I am very nervous when I know people are reading what I write.
I don't understand why, really. I mean, the few people I have allowed to read stuff I write say what I write is good, and I obviously think it's okay, seeing as I am taking a course in it at University. But, compared to most (although not all) of the people I know, I can't write for toffee. I'm not good at creating weird and wonderful plots like Wayne, don't have fantastic characters like Calum, and, unlike Krissy's, my dialogue is baaaad.
I'm not saying that I think my stuff is appalling compared to theirs, just that it is distinctly average, the kind of thing you look at and read, but have no desire to read again.
Could I blame it on the house I was brought up in? Creative thinking has never been encouraged: Mum and Dad always wanted me to be a lawyer or something to do with hard facts, something that would bring in the money, fast.
I'm not clever enough for that.
I'm barely clever enough to put my shoes on the right way round in the morning and even then I sometimes struggle. Academic subjects are not for me. Putting words down on paper in a more or less interesting way - that's my forte. So why don't I let people read my stuff? I wish I could, I wish I had a bit more confidence in what I write; my work will only improve and develop if I dare to put the shields down and let people tear it to shreds. Is that what I'm afraid of? People realising I'm the rubbish writer my parents believe me to be, that I'm too rubbish to be at University and for me to be chucked out?
Or, rather than blaming it on the parents, should I completely take the blame myself? Is it my own fear of being laughed at that stops me from letting people read what I write? I know that, even writing this, I am thinking about deleting portions of the blog - not because they are particularly badly written, but because I can imagine people laughing at me for it.
It's rather infuriating, really.
Anyway; after that rant, I am off to bed. Goodnight, and I'm sorry for the Kim-is-in-whiny-mode post. Hopefully it'll not happen too often.
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Everyone is entitled to their opinion, that's the whole crux of the matter. However, by not showing people your writing, you're not letting form an opinion. You're assuming your writing is "average" and your dialogue is baaaad. From what I've read on here, I think yo writing is very informed and interesting, I like your review of the R n J play, and your Alice review is funny. I know when you've proofread my work, you've always put down great criticism, which shows that you're aware of what makes a decent story (unlike some people we know).
ReplyDeleteI hope we getto see more of your writing, and this *coming out of the serial stalker woodwork* is the first step to you gaining confidence in your abilities. Remember, it's only you who thinks your writing is bad. Everyone else WANTS read it, which, surely, is the sign of a good writer :)
I love you xxx